I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
...Jack Handey
Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes...
the ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. You can quote them, disagree with them,
glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things. They push
the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones
who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.
...Steve Jobs
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?
We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
...Jack Handey
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
...Jack Handey
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up
where I needed to be.
...Douglas Adams
We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.
... Kurt Vonnegut
History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.
...Winston Churchill
Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes
turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.
...Leonardo Da Vinci
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot
of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
...Douglas Adams
The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.
...Kilgore Trout
I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.
...Dan Quayle
Things are more like they are now, than they have ever been before.
...Dwight D. Eisenhower
The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.
...Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst
It's hard to bullshit the ocean. It's not listening, you know what I mean?
...David Crosby
The whole world is about three drinks behind.
...Humphrey Bogart
Sell crazy someplace else; we're all stocked up here.
...Jack Nicholson, As Good As It Gets
Oh? You hate your job? Well, why didn't you say so? There's a support group
for that, you know. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
...The Drew Carey Show
Basically, I’m for anything that gets you through the night- be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels.
...Frank Sinatra
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in
the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
... Frank Sinatra
Life is a rush into the unknown. You can duck down and hope nothing hits you or
you can stand up as tall as you can, show it your teeth and say, "Dish it up baby,
and don't be stingy with the jalapenos!"
...Unknown
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
...Benjamin Franklin
He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes
wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
...Douglas Adams
Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible
exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
...Douglas Adams
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
...Douglas Adams
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the
possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands.
...Douglas Adams
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, forget em', cause, man, they're gone.
...Jack Handey
Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.
...Jack Handey
Marta says the interesting thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand.
Come on, Marta. Grow up.
...Jack Handey
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant,
and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
...Jack Handey
Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess.
That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.
...Jack Handey
Half this game is ninety percent mental.
... Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words -
"mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
...Jack Handey
We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them
personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
...Jack Handey
If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you,
I think you should buck him off right away.
...Jack Handey
Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling
lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.
...Jack Handey
I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because
I was thinking about doing that anyway.
...Jack Handey
Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.
...Jack Handey
I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his.
Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!"
We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.
...Jack Handey
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
...Albert Einstein
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
...Albert Einstein
We need another and a wiser and perhaps a more mystical concept of animals.
In a world older and more complete than ours, they move finished and complete,
gifted with the extension of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear.
They are not brethren, they are not underlings: they are other nations, caught with ourselves in the net of
life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendour and travail of the earth.
...Henry Beston
Listen to the stage manager and get on stage when they tell you to. No one has time for the rockstar Bullsh*t.
None of the techs backstage care if you're David Bowie or the milkman. When you act like a jerk, they are completely
unimpressed with the infantile display that you might think comes with you're dubious status. They were there hours before
you building the stage, and they will be there hours after you tearing it down. They should get your salary
and you should get theirs.
...Lollapalooza alumni Henry Rollins
(found backstage at a Grateful Dead show)
I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted
to take the game winning shot, and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is precisely why I succeed.
...Michael Jordan
We could have saved the Earth but we were too damned cheap.
... Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
Sometimes it falls upon a generation to be great. You can be that great generation.
... Nelson Mandela
The use of solar energy has not been opened up because the oil industry does not own the sun.
... Ralph Nader
Don't blow it - good planets are hard to find.
... Quoted in Time
And Man created the plastic bag and the tin and aluminum can and the cellophane wrapper and the paper plate, and this
was good because Man could then take his automobile and buy all his food in one place and He could save that which was
good to eat in the refrigerator and throw away that which had no further use. And soon the earth was covered with plastic
bags and aluminum cans and paper plates and disposable bottles and there was nowhere to sit down or walk, and Man shook his
head and cried: "Look at this Godawful mess."
... Art Buchwald
There is nothing in which the birds differ more from man than the way in which they can build and yet leave a landscape as it was before.
... Robert Lynd
Your grandchildren will likely find it incredible - or even sinful -
that you burned up a gallon of gasoline to fetch a pack of cigarettes!
... Dr. Paul MacCready, Jr.
Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste the sky as well as the earth.
... Henry David Thoreau
In America today you can murder land for private profit.
You can leave the corpse for all to see, and nobody calls the cops.
... Paul Brooks
If the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe then man would
only have four years of life left.
No more bees, no more pollination, no more plants, no more animals, no more man.
... Albert Einstein
It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points out how the strong man
stumbled. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, who, at the
worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall
never be with those timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
... Theodore Roosevelt
All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their mind,
wake to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they
may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.
... Thomas E. Lawrence
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in
one hand- strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming
"Woo hoo! What a ride!"
... Hunter S. Thompson
I have no doubt that it is a part of destiny of the human race, in its gradual improvement, to leave off eating animals.
... Henry David Thoreau
Since visiting the abattoirs of S. France I have stopped eating meat.
... Vincent Van Gogh
Nothing will benefit human health and increase the chances for survival
of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet.
...Albert Einstein
You have just dined, and however scrupulously the slaughterhouse is concealed in the graceful distance of miles, there is complicity.
... Ralph Waldo Emerson
When the last living thing has died on account of us, how poetical it would be if Earth could say,
In a voice floating up perhaps from the floor of the Grand Canyon, "It is done. People did not like it here."
... Kurt Vonnegut
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.
... Mark Twain
You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
... Mahatma Ghandi
It's horrifying that we have to fight our own government to save the environment.
... Ansel Adams
All of us have in our veins the exact same percentage of salt in our blood that exists in the ocean, and,
therefore, we have salt in our blood, in our sweat, in our tears. We are tied to the ocean. And when
we go back to the sea -- whether it is to sail or to watch it -- we are going back from whence we came.
... John F. Kennedy
It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.
... Upton Sinclair
Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.
... William James
Plant a new truffula. Treat it with care. Give it clean water and feed it fresh air.
... Dr. Suess
The people who are crazy enough to believe they can change the world, are the ones who do.
... Steve Jobs
We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals.
... Immanuel Kant
What is it that should trace the insuperable line? The question is not,
Can they reason? nor, Can they talk? but, Can they suffer?"
... Jeremy Bentham, philosopher
Human beings see oppression vividly when they're the victims. Otherwise they
victimize blindly and without a thought.
... Isaac Bashevis Singer, author - Nobel Prize 1978
The time will come when men such as I will look upon the murder of animals as
they now look on the murder of men.
... Leonardo da Vinci
I am in favor of animal rights as well as human rights. That is the way of a whole human being.
... Abraham Lincoln
The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.
... Mahatma Ghandi
To my mind, the life of a lamb is no less precious than that of a human being.
... Mahatma Ghandi
Non-violence leads to the highest ethics, which is the goal of all evolution. Until we stop harming all other living beings, we are still savages.
... Thomas Edison, inventor
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny!'
... Isaac Asimov
The greatest discoveries have come from people who have looked at a standard situation and seen it differently.
... Ira Erwin
The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.
... Marcel Proust
Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.
... Andre Gide
War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They were going to call it Operation Iraqi
Liberation until they realized that spells 'OIL.'
... Jay Leno
Only after the last tree has been cut down.
Only after the last river has been poisoned.
Only after the last fish has been caught.
Only then will you find that money cannot be eaten.
... Cree Indian Prophecy
I believe in God, only I spell it nature.
... Frank Lloyd Wright
Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.
... Chinese Proverb
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
... Ralph Waldo Emerson
There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.
...Beverly Sills
Beware, as long as you live, of judging people by appearances.
... Jean de la Fontaine
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
... wayne Gretsky
Somtimes you're the windshield. Sometimes you're the bug.
... Mark Knopfler
What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog.
... Dwight D. Eisenhower
Well behaved women seldom make history.
... Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge
you can see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center.
... Kurt Vonnegut
To achieve the marvelous, it is precisely the unthinkable which must be thought.
... Tom Robbins
I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do.
... Leonardo da Vinci
It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.
... Leonardo da Vinci
Do, or do not. There is no 'try.'
... Yoda
Life is pretty simple: You do some stuff. Most fails. Some works. You do more of what works. If it works big, others quickly copy it. Then you do something else. The trick is the doing something else.
... Leonardo da Vinci
Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence.
... Leonardo da Vinci
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
... Leonardo da Vinci
There are three classes of people: those who see, those who see when they are shown, those who do not see.
... Leonardo da Vinci
Where there is shouting, there is no true knowledge.
... Leonardo da Vinci
As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well spent brings happy death.
... Leonardo da Vinci
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